BEGINNING OF A JOURNEY
The journey began around 2009. I was an ordinary housewife, taking care of the home, children, and grandchildren. I didn't exercise, led an unhealthy lifestyle, smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, and in the evenings, I could enjoy a glass of wine or beer. Although my grandfather was a yoga practitioner, and I had been interested in esoterica since childhood, my youth and childhood were spent in sports and ballet (at the Moscow Choreographic School under the Bolshoi Theatre). In 2000, my husband and I returned to Russia after living abroad. I found it challenging to readjust to Russian reality. I fell into depression and didn't want to do anything. At some point, I told myself that it was time to break free.
I bought a book on psychology, and one of the ways to overcome depression was a conscious movement. I found a yoga club near my home and started practicing. I practiced for about a year and at some point, I thought, why do I smoke? I don't even want to smoke. It's just a habit, and I blindly follow this addiction like a slave. Allen Carr's book, "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking," helped me quit smoking. Cigarettes were my way of isolating myself from the world because I felt that I wasn't good enough, and I had complexes.
I wanted to start my own business and was thinking about opening a ballet studio when I accidentally heard that the owner of the yoga club where I practiced was leaving and looking to sell the club. I had never run a business before, but I had always wanted to. I thought, why not? We discussed all the details, my husband looked into it, and we decided to take over the yoga club.
I started running the club and learned everything from scratch, which was challenging. I was very shy. At the same time, I practiced yoga and took instructor courses. Gradually, I began to change and gained more independence.
THE END OF THE WORLD
On December 21, 2012, they promised the end of the world. I went to the club and joked that it didn't happen. During a yoga class, my teacher, a slightly strange lady who was always somewhere far away, suddenly jerked me from one pose to another, pulled my chest muscles, and I developed a blood clot - subclavian vein, vertebra, and bronchial.
Dying happens when you decide inside that you no longer want to live. In this darkness, you can believe that God has left me, yes. But at the same time, my faith depends only on me. I can tell myself that the light will open now, and everything will be fine. And in this complete darkness, there is only me...
BON TRADITION
I discovered a Tibetan lama in the Yundrung Bon tradition (Supreme Vehicle of Bon), which is 18,000 years old and has its own Buddha. This teaching is about the swastika, but not in the way it's commonly perceived in Western culture. One of their books, "Yoga of Dreams," is not actually about dreaming, but about mindfulness. I started practicing based on this book.
I decided to go to a monastery. At that time, I didn't speak English, so I searched for an organized group, but not a tourist one. And I found one - Master Shi Yanbin's Shaolin Qigong and Kung Fu School organized a trip to the Shaolin Monastery. I thought that was just what I needed. Five months before the trip, I decided to start practicing Qigong at my Master's School.
SHAOLIN
The group was going to Shaolin. I told my family that if I died there, they shouldn't bring my body back home, but bury me somewhere there. Eight hours on the plane, four hours on the train, and then on a bus. It was very difficult for me. We were housed in a village near the monastery, everything was old and run down. We had to wake up at 4 a.m., but I struggled to wake up at 8, went to practice, and trained. Due to a brain injury, my blood circulation was disturbed, my thinking was disrupted, and my memory became significantly worse. I couldn't coordinate the right and left sides of my body. It was like having a stroke, and everything needed to be restored.
We started with complex Tai Chi exercises, which are difficult even in a healthy state. Whether you like it or not, you have to be in the here and now, and you have to focus on too many things at once in your body. This is a martial art, with fighting techniques that don't require physical force, but relaxation. Old masters can push you away with their energy so that you fall, and I felt that myself.
In 2016, I went for a check-up and found out that my thrombus had completely dissolved. This only happens in 5% of cases. At the monastery, I met a boy whose thrombus had also miraculously disappeared.
That's why I started doing Qigong, because it was physically impossible to eliminate it, only on the energy level. Although I didn't really believe in all of this at the time. In the first year, I practiced and thought, "What am I doing?" But you can feel the energy, like love - no one sees it, but everyone feels it. And you can also feel it in a person, whether they have the energy or not. I continued practicing.
KARMA
In June 2018, I decided to fully align my energetic health and went to a Tibetan ritual called "Return of Life Force" La. Suddenly, right after that, my ordinary life was shattered, maybe karma had accumulated and it was just a push.
We had to urgently leave Moscow. Our whole family moved to Cyprus. We were all torn away from our familiar atmosphere, leaving our beloved homes, jobs, and friends. It wasn't easy for anyone, including myself. We all settled into a small cottage, which felt very cramped compared to our large home in the suburbs of Moscow, and financially it wasn't easy either. Unfortunately, instead of coming together and facing difficulties as a family, and helping each other, everyone showed their worst qualities.
It wasn't easy for me either: my beloved home, my small business - a yoga club, training, and teaching at the Master Shi Yanbin School, tai chi instructor courses, friends, Moscow - everything was left behind. Here everything was very beautiful - the sea, sun, Paphos, delicious food. But that was it - the family atmosphere was terrible, and there were no friends or work. I didn't know anyone in Paphos, and there was no one to teach qigong or tai chi.
BREAKUP
On July 19, 2019, after a year of living in Cyprus, I flew to Moscow to check on the abandoned yoga club. Although the business was small, we still had to pay rent and taxes, and without the owner, it would decline, and I also needed to check on our home.
On September 14, I needed to renew my pink slip, but I realized I couldn't do it all in time. I told my husband to go without me. He asked for my permission to keep our son with him in Cyprus. Of course, I agreed since our son goes to school there, and our older son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter all live there together, and I will return soon anyway. I didn't have any doubts. And then, just a few days later, my husband called me and spoke very quickly, saying, "I found the woman of my dreams, I'm leaving you." I was in shock. At first, I didn't believe it, it couldn't be true. It turned out that my husband had met this woman in Cyprus in the fall of 2018.
IT WAS A STRONG FAMILY
We got married very young. When we met, I was in 9th grade, we corresponded throughout his army service, and a year later we got married. A year after that, our son was born. From poor students, we rose to become wealthy people and built two houses. When I was 39 years old, we had another son. We spent 37 years together, with many joys and sorrows, and even survived a car accident with our older son.
Our relationship with my husband was not always perfect. He is a strong, authoritative, and talented businessman, and I was always a little in the shadows. As they say, behind every successful man is a strong woman. Was I happy with him? Of course, there were many happy times, but also many hurtful moments, pressure, and even rudeness. But still, we had a strong family, a home, two children, and a life together.
SHOCK
They say there are several stages to dealing with shocking or stressful situations: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. Some advised me to go to Cyprus and make a scene. Maybe that's what I should have done. But I was in shock. I froze. Something inside me died, but I kept going on autopilot, running my yoga club and teaching qigong at Master Shi Yanbin's school. I couldn't believe that these things were happening to me.
I was left alone, with no money. I had to apply for a pension, but the Russian government told me, "You have no work history, you've been a housewife all your life," and refused my application. It was a complete disaster.
QUARANTINE
New Year 2020 came, and I decided to heal myself in Cyprus. I bought a ticket for February 1st, and then the pandemic, coronavirus, quarantine. Fortunately, my oldest son came to visit. We went through the quarantine and pandemic together.
On March 24th, my club closed due to the pandemic. I remember the feeling of saying goodbye to the club. I left like the captain of a sinking ship, the last one. I felt like everything most valuable was falling apart. Everything. During the summer, I was handed divorce papers. On September 1st, it was my youngest son's birthday, and on that day, we were divorced.
CYPRUS
As soon as the quarantine measures were slightly relaxed, after taking a lot of tests and receiving permission to enter, my oldest son and I came to Cyprus for Christmas. Only now do I understand how symbolic it was to come for Christmas! Cyprus was beautiful - the sea, the sun, the greenery. I walked along the coast and wondered how I could be so unhappy in such a beautiful place. The sea, the sun, beautiful plants, and nothing touched me, just tragedy inside, tears, and pain, and only one thought, how could he do this? And yet in Cyprus, with its warmth, politeness, kindness, delicious food, friendliness, and beauty, I gradually began to thaw. The main thing was that I could see my youngest son.
As always, my practice saved me, my qigong and tai chi classes. In Limassol, I was asked to replace a Tai Chi teacher who was leaving for Moscow. At first, only one person came to my classes in Dasoudi Park, and for two months, we practiced together. Then more students appeared, and a small group formed.
STARTING FROM SCRATCH
In Moscow, I was known as the owner of a yoga club, teaching Qigong and Tai Chi at the famous Shaolin Monk School. Here, I had to start everything from scratch, to believe in myself again.
I was invited to seminars and started to learn the healing and health practices of Qigong at Beijing University, continued my studies in instructor courses at Master Shi Yanbin's School. I prepared and conducted an interesting seminar on Chinese Beauty Secrets.
This fall, I met amazing like-minded colleagues in various esoteric practices. The organizer of our club invited me to conduct several open classes on Qigong and Tai Chi in the very cool and atmospheric space of Santosa Yoga & Ayurveda. Then, I taught a seminar in the mountains, in an amazing place. The seminar was called "Reboot," and I understand that I also rebooted myself. Later, I led another seminar on Tai Chi called "Healing." Now I'm preparing a seminar on the health practices of Qigong and those same Chinese Beauty Secrets. I have many plans, hopes, and ideas. I can't say that I'm fully healed. Sometimes I still get scared, but that's normal. The main thing is that now I know how to get out of there.
A NEW LIFE
I started a new life at the age of 56. While most people are thinking about retirement and raising their grandchildren, I am pursuing my hobby. I teach martial arts - qigong and tai chi. My new friends, like-minded students, my sons, and my new self have become my new support system.
I am happy when I teach classes on the coast. I have fallen in love with Cyprus, even with its slow pace of life. Of course, not everything is smooth sailing, and there are many difficulties. But here, there is sunshine and the sea, and my students are nearby. I stand with my feet on the ground and feel alive. I am starting with a clean slate. A long time ago, I lost the taste for life, but now I am learning to let life flow through me, to savor life even when it is scary or painful. I am learning to say no if I do not like something. I am learning to accept my own strength, to understand and believe in myself, here and now. Believe me, it is not easy when you are used to something else.
I also realized that it is important not to remain silent, to not keep quiet, not to sit alone with your problems, and be afraid to appear weak and vulnerable. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes a lot of strength. It is important to seek out people who understand you. Make mistakes, search again, and move forward!
