MY STORY OF GROWTH
Every story begins on one day. Just an ordinary day. You wake up, go through your morning routine, and begin your day like any other. Many years ago, on an ordinary day in 2006, the story of change began - as it turned out, significant and painful change - and surprisingly, the story of my growth.
At the time, I was working in Moscow. As someone from Central Asia, I missed the warmth and sun of home. I was looking for different options to move somewhere "warm." By the way, the first life-changing experience and significant growth happened when I moved from Central Asia to Moscow, but that's not what this story is about.
DREAMS DO COME TRUE
The department where I worked in Moscow was being disbanded, and I was offered a position in Cyprus. I decided to use this opportunity as a chance to live in a warm country by the sea and fulfill my dreams.
Dreams do come true - believe me, I've tested it. Always know what you want. Your true desires and dreams will come true. My dream came true. I came to Cyprus, a warm country by the sea, where there was plenty of sunshine. I was only supposed to stay in Cyprus for a year or two at most. Nothing is more permanent than temporary.
ADAPTATION
Cyprus was entirely different back then - everything closed very early, there was no transportation (residents of big cities and even medium-sized towns will understand), and I didn't have a car. I moved in February, and I turned 25 in March. Young, inexperienced, and unprepared for life.
Here I was, in a new country, new culture, and a language that sounded strange and foreign. There was no one here, not even acquaintances. I was hesitant to ask anyone for anything. I lived in a tiny studio apartment with no heating or hot water. My only entertainment was going to the store and the office. I mostly stayed in the apartment, with nothing to do. This is called "immigrant neurosis."
DOLCE VITA
By the way, it was in Cyprus where I learned to appreciate the simple joys of life, what Italians call dolce vita: the art of savoring a slow pace, the taste of food, the sun on your skin, the rustling of leaves, and the singing of birds. In other words, living in the here and now, feeling yourself at the moment, experiencing what is happening, and living every second of this life. After all, if you think about it, the present moment is all we have.
Slowly but surely, I made new friends and got used to the new way of life and culture. I had already settled in and realized that I liked life in Cyprus much more than in Moscow. The feeling that life was passing me by was replaced with a plethora of interesting activities, sports, socializing with friends, relaxing by the sea, traveling around the island, and enjoying the Cypriot dolce vita.
LOVE
Like a bolt from the blue, a new significant development came into my comfortable life. I accidentally met a guy when social media was just emerging. Who remembers Myspace? That's where I chatted with this guy in Italian, solely for language practice. Then I found out that he was from Cyprus. He came to visit his parents for the summer and suggested we meet up. And we fell in love, but it was a "non-love" kind of love.
His family wasn't very pleased with me because I didn't speak Greek, and I wasn't from their "circle." If you've ever encountered racism, raise your hand. Anyway, our relationship didn't turn out as I had imagined. I foolishly fantasized that true happiness could only come from him and no one else.
We just didn't match in terms of personality, temperament, interests, and many other things. In one beautiful moment, and quite predictably, my prince and I parted ways.
THE WORLD CRUMBLES
And trouble never comes alone. Everything falls apart at once. I get fired from my job. I get evicted from my apartment. I feel like my whole world has crumbled.
What should I do? Leave the island? But I don't want to. And finding a new job is practically impossible. Where to live? I don't have any money. I love him. How could all of this be happening?!
I knew for sure that I didn't want to leave. And somehow, in just two weeks, I found a new job with a decent salary and stayed on the island. However, my personal life was a complete disaster.
DEPENDENCY
This experience taught me that love and emotional dependency are two completely different things. But how could that be? He was so perfect and good. And I doubt I'll ever meet someone better in my life. It was just my fault that we broke up and everything happened the way it did. Can you relate?
If something is falling apart, then it needs to fall apart. Don't think that it's only your fault and that there's something wrong with you. You need to let go and look for something else that suits you specifically. Don't doubt yourself! In your feelings and desires. If you're missing something, then you truly are missing it. Don't blame yourself and only yourself for a failing relationship.
REALIZATION
Once, I was sitting on the floor in my apartment when suddenly I realized, "Oh my God, why? What have I been spending so much time on? Illusions and regrets?" It was like a thunderbolt out of the blue, not the most pleasant realization. I felt so sorry for all the wasted time. Now, I understand that I never want to wait for something or waste my time again. There are so many options, you just have to look around, take a deep breath, and shift your focus. This applies not only to relationships but to any aspect of life.
THERE ARE ALWAYS SOLUTIONS
I reached a stable state on my own after a long time, without a psychologist or coach, even though I could have dealt with it much faster. Someone might say to you now, "Why do you need that? A psychologist is just talking for money, a waste of time." I thought like that for a long time, dealing with it on my own, wasting years.
Now I understand that I could have dealt with all of this much earlier. I could have gotten married and had children a long time ago and not worried about this nonsense. If you lack attention in a relationship, well, you just lack attention. Period. It's that simple. There's no need for the "something's wrong with me, I'm not good enough" mindset. Unfortunately, it took me too much time to arrive at these simple and understandable thoughts. Time is an irreplaceable resource.
SUPPORT
If you feel like something is missing in your life, you need to trust yourself, listen to your intuition, and step away from relationships - whether they be personal, professional, or friendly - that doesn't fully satisfy you. If you want something, never give up on your dreams, even if you feel like no one is supporting you at the moment.
Don't listen to those who tell you to do what's practical, useful, or socially acceptable, instead of what you truly desire. Trust yourself and others will come to support you. The most important thing is to find a foundation within yourself. No one else knows what you truly need or how to achieve it.
Now, I understand that no one is complete without emotional scars. However, it's important not to get lost in your trauma, but instead to draw strength from situations that seem like mistakes or failures. It's important to understand yourself and find safe ways to cope with difficult situations, rather than suppressing them through work, exercise, alcohol, or other dependencies. You can live with your scars and still enjoy life, without putting it off until you're "healed." You need to live in the present, enjoy life, and find your dolce vita.
We're all human beings, and we all have our own quirks. I'm one of those people with some quirks, and it's important to understand that about myself. We all carry our own burdens and our own eccentricities, and that's okay.
It's very difficult when you don't have any support - whether it's personal, in your friendships, or in your career. I've always been able to support people in different ways, using my professional skills as a lawyer and a professional coach. In that particular story and emotional swamp, I really missed that kind of professional support.
Sometimes it feels like you can just stay in situations that are just "okay," where no one is dying or suffering too much, and it's not the end of the world. But the truth is, leaving a place where you're just "okay" is harder than leaving a place where you're really struggling. The danger is getting stuck and drowning in that swamp. Acknowledging your needs and wants is also very important.
Sending hugs! I'm always ready to support and help you find yourself. At the very least, with my own story.
